I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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