I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
soo... how was my night?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
