I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
