the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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