so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
