Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
