You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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