Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
