i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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