East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
