shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
