sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
