Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
