I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
