Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
