When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
