so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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