Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
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