some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
