Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
