So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
