Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
