on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
