There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
