why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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