the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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