So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Found your dick twin last night
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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