No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
is it fun? or sober?
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