i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
