She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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