Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
