ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
