best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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