I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
