it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just want nice things and good sex
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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