When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
