They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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