wakey wakey hands off snakey
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
