it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
