I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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