Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
