Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
