Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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