my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
