The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
