my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
