OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I forget how to act sober
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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