That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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