this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
