I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
