Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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