Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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