I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
