So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
